(Re)discover your sexy!

9596898376_0b22af92f7_b.jpg

S. e. x. y. You hear that word every day in songs, marketing ads, movies. From your friends. From your partner: "Baby you're so sexy" (Am I?!) ... It echoes over and over in your head. 

You are bombarded by conflicting messages - this product will "make you sexy" or according to these religious principles "being sexy" in the modern sense is shameful. How can we be expected to navigate such muddy waters?

And what does being sexy even really mean? Does it mean dressing up provocatively? Or looking like a model? Does it mean to be desired? To be desirable? What about people of more traditional cultures or religions who have more modest dress? Can they be sexy? ... Why the heck is this all so confusing?!? 

Luckily, it is all much less overwhelming than it seems, since being sexy (or not) is all dependent on YOU. You cannot try to become sexy, to fake your way, so to speak. Heels won't do it. Makeup won't do it. An attractive partner won't do it. -  It comes from within. You are either tapped into your sexual power, you fire, or you have dampened that inner light. And if it is dampened, then I am here to tell you that it is officially time to (re)discover this inner power. 

Sex-ay!

So what is "being sexy" ? - Simply put, it confidence in yourself, and what you have to offer the world and your partner. It is the deep acknowledgement of your worth as an individual, as a woman or as a man. It is the honouring of what it means to be truly feminine or masculine, in the earthiest sense possible. Forget about gender roles. It is embracing and honouring your body. It is forgiving yourself for your shortcomings and your mistakes. It is celebrating your strengths. It is seeing your own beauty shine, and not needing someone to remind you of it (though that is always lovely).

What about being desirable or desired? - Well here's the secret, when you are comfortable with yourself, you become irresistible. You have an inner light that shines, a change of personality, body language, mood, interaction, body composition, facial expressions. Others pick up on that and are drawn to it. This sexiness is independent of makeup/heels/outfits. It is walking down the street in the morning as you are, and having others stop to smile at you and say hello. 

Worth Fighting For

You are worth fighting for. Your sexual power, your creativity, your fire, your love. It is all worth fighting for. The world needs it, the people need you at your full potential. You need to be fully yourself, without restriction.  

If you feel overwhelmed by this, or feel lost in shame, unable to connect with your sexuality and femininity (or masculinity), listen to me closely:

You are beautiful. You are strong. It is time to reclaim your self. 

I know your pain and the challenges that come with it. I am here to tell you unequivocally that not only can you heal, but that is is time to heal. 

In fact, my personal journey is proof of this. To get to where I am today, and to continue down this path, I have had to face many challenges... I grew up in a family that never spoke about sexuality and I went to an extremely religious school that put a shame and stigma on it. I have been underweight, overweight, have had terrible skin, have had low self confidence, have been depressed. I have had menstrual cycles that took over my whole world, I have had migraines that paralyzed me. I have been rejected by lovers. I have rejected my own femininity. I have experienced date rape. I experienced a great personal loss. I was even {mis} diagnosed with PCOS at a young age and told that I would be infertile, and left to struggle with the meaning of being a woman in those early years. 

... What a list, right.?! But remember, that through it all, I was also loved, cared for, and accepted, and as a result of my past became more in tune with myself. I knew that no one could take away my self worth away from me but myself. No matter how dark it got, I refused to compromise this. And then one day, when I was ready, I CHOSE to rise above it all, and no longer to allow it to define me. Little by little, I began to forgive myself for my faults and mistakes. I was not always perfect, and I still am not, and that is all right. When I began to love my body for the first time in my life, I also realized that it was not failing me, it was struggling just as much as I was, and simply needed care. I sought out healing, and found more than I could have ever hoped for. 

Today, I thank my body for all that it has given me, And when I had cleared away all the pain, I found my core, my inner fire. My creativity (literally as this beautiful process can create life!). My gift. My ability to connect and be present, to truly celebrate myself and the man I love.   

Celebration

When you flip the switch on that inner light and begin to rediscover your own sexiness, you will also begin to view sexuality and sexual union differently. No longer will it be just an escape, a stop gap for our lack of self worth or confidence, or even a task in a relationship. While you may experience pleasure and enjoyment (or perhaps not, if that is your case) in encounters/relationships, trust me when I say that you cannot even begin to imagine the potential of pleasure and joy that can be experienced when you unlock this side of yourself. 

In truth, sexuality and sexual expression is celebration. It is celebrating life. Celebrating unity. Celebrating the physical. Celebrating love. Celebrating the present moment. It is natural. It is beautiful. It is magical. It is special, and even in many ways mystical. 

If you have heard otherwise, if you feel deep down some sense of discomfort or shame discussing this topic, just take note of that for now. It is something you will face when you are ready. 

Loving yourself

If you're thinking of a sexual double entendre at this moment, please have a chuckle, it was intentional! ... In fact, there is a reason that self-pleasure is best described as self love. That is a bit of a topic on its own, and perhaps a subject of a future post if you wish. 

As you may have guessed, sexual empowerment and sexiness are all about loving yourself. So if you don't feel sexy, you also don't fully accept and honour yourself. That's the bottom line.  

If you feel this way, and are reading this article, then this is something you will have address at some point, just as I did. The way to start is to begin identifying the disconnect. Ask:

When did I stop loving myself ? Stop loving my body? What happened? What didn't happen? What negative self talk do I engage in? 

Of course, you may or may not be ready to tackle these questions, but at least asking them of yourself will begin a dialogue.  

Joy. Love. Bliss. Orgasm. "Sexiness" 

Remember, these things come from within YOU. They cannot be given to you, nor by that same token, can they ever be taken away. No matter your experience or hardship, you always retain freedom of choice. To choose to embrace your inner fire and passion, or to smother it. To step into your full potential, or to live in the shadows. It is truly and wholly your decision. 

I want to encourage you today to simply be honest, and begin to working on empowering yourself. Begin to take back the control, take back the responsibility for your body, for your joy, and for your pleasure. 

With Love, 

Varya